Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
