we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
