Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Did I show you my penis last night?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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