So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
