So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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