What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
