I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
