this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
