I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
