Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
well most of my day revolves around power hour
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
