It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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