i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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