he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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