Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
