He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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