She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
