And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i've created a new STD.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
