We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
