Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
