it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
