i think i have two assholes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
