I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
