i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
