If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When did we convert life to cartoon?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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