Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
