she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
