I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
