Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
