the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
