I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We need to get me chipped asap
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
