We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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