Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
