i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
