This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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