there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
