She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
