Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
