in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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