Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
