WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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