If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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