Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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