just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
