does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
