hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
