so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
