sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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