just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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