Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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