I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
