Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
and you fell through a lawn chair
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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