guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
