so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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