fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
